Email Communication Template
How to use this template:
This is an Email communication formula.
Often, separated parents have difficulty communicating their ideas and needs to each other because of the gripes and complaints they have against each other. It’s easy for a simple request to alter changeover time to become a fight back and forth about who has committed the greatest crimes against the other.
If you find you’re defending yourself against issues from the past, old recriminations and twisted history, this email template should change things for you.
Everything inside the brackets ( ) is for you to fill in with information specific to your situation.
An example has been provided for you to get the idea of how to use the template.
Everything in italics is a comment or explanation about the template or how to make the template work in your favour (make sure you delete these italicised portions prior to sending!!)
Delete the explanation and example parts BEFORE you hit send! (lol) Yes, you know you’ll forget at some point, but we’re only human.
The Email Communication Template will commence below. You can create templates in your own email program and save them for future use or you can refer to this guide each time – whatever works for you!
Negotiating with someone you don’t really get on with can be difficult. For real time feedback and support, join our Separated and Divorced secret Facebook group.
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Good luck,
Kirsty
Initial Request or Communication Template
(#N.B Use this template as your first contact)
Dear (Your child’s other parent’s name),
Issue: (e.g.. I need to collect my mother from the airport at 9:30am on Saturday)
Reason: “(e.g.. t takes 50 minutes to travel from the changeover location to the airport.)
I propose the following 3 options as a way to resolve this issue:
Option 1: (Changeover time be 8am instead of 9am on Saturday and 4pm instead of 5pm on Sunday)
Option 2: (Changeover location on Saturday be Milton rather than Ipswich)
Option 3: (Changeover time be 11am instead of 9am on Saturday and 7pm instead of 5pm on Sunday)
I look forward to your considered response before (5pm Wednesday).
Sincerely,
(Your name)
You can see from this example, that the issue is NOT your proposed solution.
Also, there is honesty and transparency in declaring the issue.
Now, I hear you shouting “yes, but if I say I need to collect my mother, they’re immediately going to say H#!! NO! because they HATE my mother!!!\just want to ruin my weekend\will do whatever they can to make life difficult .. and I’ve just given them the ammunition to do so”.
This is going to take time. It possibly isn’t going to work the first time you use this method but please persist. Time does change things. Please have faith that things can change. Don’t think right now about the response you’re going to receive – just focus on what YOU’RE going to say in return ….
Response Template
Dear (Your child’s other parent’s name),
Thank you for your email of (October 29th 2016).
I note that you deem the three proposed options unsuitable because (you will not be able to drive on Saturday and Matilda and George usually are not out of bed until after 8am on Saturday when they are with you.)
If they have provided a reason that isn’t how horrible you are, or how you never do anything or that you’re a terrible blah blah blah, acknowledge that reason. But do not, whatever you do, start defending or explaining yourself.
If they have provided another option and you are able to accept one of the options, state that here:
I accept to resolve the issue by selecting option … of the proposal dated … and sent by email on …
I look forward to (above resolution) happening.
If you are unable to accept one of the options:
Option 1 isn’t suitable because …
Option 2 isn’t suitable because …
Option 3 isn’t suitable because …
Given the three options you suggested are not suitable, I offer the following 3 options:
Option 1.
Option 2.
Option 3.
Please advise which option is your preferred choice before 5pm (Thursday October 30th 2020).
Sincerely,
Your Name
Further Response Template
Dear( Your child’s other parent’s name),
I note that you have responded to the reply I provided you on (Sunday December 19 2020) with the following reasons why the options I offered are not suitable:
Option 1 reason:
Option 2 reason:
Option 3 reason:
You have offered the following 3 options as alternatives and I find that option (choose an option) is suitable.
Therefore, I will (repeat what is going to happen, per the option you have selected).
If no options are suitable:
I have exhausted the options available to me and so therefore must inform you that I will be late to changeover on Saturday. I will text you the expected time of arrival at 10am on Saturday.
(This outcome is likely to create considerable conflict. It’s possible that on Saturday, your children will no longer be available for collection or they will be somewhere else a far distance from where you can collect them. Before you walk away from the negotiations, be aware of possible outcomes. If you can possibly make an option proposed by your child’s other parent work, then make it work!
You might feel like you’re giving in, or they’re winning – but!!! If you get what you want, in this example, to collect your mother from the airport, then that is what is important. HOW you achieve that outcome is not important. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Accept the option that was proposed to you and enjoy your weekend!)
Sincerely,
Your Name
So how do you accept an option proposed by your child’s other parent, even if accepting it sticks in your throat like a piece of un-chewed meat? Read on …
Acceptance Template
Dear (Your child’s other parent’s name),
I note that you have responded to the reply I provided you on (Sunday December 19 2020) with the following options: Option 1:
Option 2:
Option 3:
I gratefully accept option x and thank you for your co-operation.
Honestly, I promise you, writing this will not kill you. It might feel right now like you’d rather the earth opened up and swallowed you whole than sending this one sentence to your child’s other parent, but I promise (PROMISE) if you send this email, with these words, and continue to follow this formula – things will change.
Therefore, I will (repeat what is going to happen, per the option you have selected).
Sincerely,
(Your Name)
This document is for your own personal use. It may be copied, scanned and printed for your personal use. It may NOT be copied, shared or distributed for any other purpose without the express written permission of Kirsty Petersen.
Copywrite 2016 Kirsty Petersen, Co-Parenting for Your Kids.
