How much does not going to mediation cost?

 

Just about every time someone contacts me for mediation, their first question is “how much will it cost?”.

Today, I was looking over my website and the page all about “how much it costs”. The header image is of a little girl looking up at her mum. And it struck me – how much does choosing not to come to mediation really cost?

What does it cost you if you DON’T come to mediation?

Sure, you need to find the time and you need to have the money. But what does using the excuse of ‘not having enough time’ or ‘I can’t afford it’ actually cost you?

It might cost you the relationship you have with your child. It might cost you happiness. It might cost you your job or your relationship. It might cost you your life.

There’s a statistic floating around social media, that a certain number of men commit suicide each week due to issues related to relationship breakdown. Some men find their situation so hopeless that they choose to end their life. So what is the real cost of mediation?

Some people flail around, looking for solutions, missing time with their children. Every weekend they argue about when they can see their kids next, bargaining and negotiating just to spend time with their children. What is this costing? It’s moments lost, never to be discovered again.

 

Families who have arrangements in place sometimes struggle with those agreements. They argue about school clothes, shoes, nappies, formula, flexibility, changeover time and location. They are in constantly heightened states, waiting for their phone to ping the newest onslaught of abuse or denigration. Their cortisol levels are peaking with extra stress and it’s taking a toll on their body. They might sleep poorly, carry extra weight around their waist, over eat, defer to alcohol or maybe even drugs. What is failing to come to mediation costing?

All these situations cost something. Money is a scarce commodity these days. It seems that everything we earn is spent before it hits our bank account. But some things can’t be given a monetary cost. What is your mental health worth? How much would you sacrifice (daily cafe coffee, that extra pint at the pub) if it meant you had a secure arrangement for regular time with your children? What would you rather give up? Do you want to be around for graduation? Do you want to walk your daughter down the aisle at her wedding? Do you want to see your children on their birthday? How much is not coming to mediation costing you?